Utah Trip

As many of you know, my father in Utah had been battling esophageal cancer from what I understand since November of 2011. It wasn't until February that I was informed that it was already at stage 4. At that point, and by word of mouth it was imperative that I was to go and that it didn't look good. So, I arranged to pack up 3 kids and myself to head to Omaha to start the trip. I was going to stay in Omaha for 2 days and leave again with my grandmother to head out to Utah for a couple days, then back to Omaha, then back home. Well, only 1/2 the trip happened, and here is our story.

I left early early in the morning for the 12 hour drive to Omaha. I planned to stay with my parents for 2 days because I knew that with all the driving we had ahead of us, the kids were going to need some down time in between. 12 hours to Omaha. 14 hours to Utah. 14 hours back to Omaha. 12 hours back home. For a teenager it's really nothing but an ipod or an iPhone  and a lot of conversation to keep them occupied. But for two toddlers, this could get a bit tricky. I had everything under the sun you could possibly think of ready for anything on this trip.
We got up to Omaha with no issues what so ever. We even got to see our first real snow on the side of the road. The first night was great. The second day Jeremy stated his throat hurt and he took a fever that rose to a whopping 104.6 degrees. I spent the whole day rotating back and forth the Tylenol and the Advil to break the fever which it did not completely go away. That evening, I took him to the emergency room only to be told it was viral but was given a prescrip for a Z pack just in case even though his strep test came back negative. We were finally able to bring it down to 100 degrees. The next morning, Gabriel took to a fever as well. JUST AS HIGH! It also wouldn't break below 102. degrees after a full day so, I took him the next evening to the emergency room only to be told the same thing. Gabriel wasn't given anything because it was viral with no signs of any other problems. SO this puts us in a dilemma regarding getting to Utah. I was beginning to get frustrated and had an inkling of a thought that maybe I shouldn't be going on this trip. I just pushed that thought to the back of my head because I really just wanted to get this trip going. Jeremy had already missed enough school that with this week of being gone was the exact amount of days he was allowed for the semester in order to not have make up days on Saturdays.

At this point I just decided that we were going to have to go fevers or not and then just let the boys stay in the hotel with Jeremy long enough for me to visit for just even an hour or so. I wasn't comfortable with this option one bit, but what choice did I have? Jeremy was old enough to babysit for a couple hours, but with being sick it would be uncomfortable and miserable :(.

Grandma told me to book the hotel stay, one in Cheyenne, WY (about 1/2 way point) and then again in Tooele, UT so we wouldn't impose (especially the two being sick) on their household. So, while I was calling  around in Cheyenne, I was told by THREE hotels that all of them were booked because of a Legislative event happening Wednesday-Saturday. So, I continued to research for the next town Rawlins only to be asked to call back because all of I-80 had been shut down through the rest of the state due to icy road conditions that even the ice trucks were on standby because they were so bad. REALLY!?!?!?!??! COULD  THIS BE HAPPENING!?!

At last minute attempt my parents suggested booking a flight for a day and fly back the next and they would make arrangements to work at home and keep the boys. That way my Grandmother and I could go together quickly and still have an opportunity to see him. So, in doing so it was questionable if we should pay the extra $13.00 on already spent $1200.00 tickets just in case to have them cancelled. Well, it was a no brainer since we have already had ALL doors closed so far we might as well. The tickets were bought, plans were made and I received a phone call from my Father. I confirmed the tickets and the day I would be out there only for him to say it would not be a good idea for me to come. WOW! I don't know how else to take it, but it was NOT meant for me to go. We cancelled the tickets.

I couldn't help but WANT to be mad about it, but I felt such a peace in my heart that I just cannot explain. God pricked my heart gently and let me know that I couldn't be mad. I had no right to hold any grudge or anger against him as I was honoring his request. It was like maybe my visit was suppose to be in Nebraska that week. It turned out to be a very awesome week and my dad even took us to the "farm" to see Grandma Birkby and Aunt Mary Kay. We even got to see his long time best friend who I so remember at my parents wedding years ago that I will never forget he was so sweaty gross dancing with me!! Ha!  The boys got to see cows up close and even though it was terribly windy, they even got to play on a real combine and tractor! It was nice to see the farm again, drive by the cemetery where Grandpa Birkby and Uncle Pat was and to remember the empty country roads that led there.

At any rate, I returned home and after a day or two of re-cooping from the long drive I sat down to write my father a letter. I did, sent it and even though I spoke to him three times from then to the day he passed away, he never made mention of it. July 9th, I received a phone call stating that he had passed early that AM. I was relieved that it was over. The suffering on both his part and my step-mother, half brothers, grandmother and uncle. My only hope for him at that point was that he was sitting at the feet of Jesus. While on the phone with my step-mother, I asked her if she knew if he read my letter I sent. She said yes and that he kept it on his dresser.

I have to say that from the get go, other than the fact that my father was dying and felt it would be the right thing to go see him, my heart had a greater purpose which is our main purpose while on this earth as followers of our Savior, Jesus. I had to know in my mind and in my heart that he had the opportunity to accept Christ as HIS Savior, especially with the life altering situation he was facing. In my letter I told him that I wish it would have worked out for me to make it, but that maybe there would be another opportunity. I included in there that I know his religious background was of the Lutheran faith and that my only hope was that he had accepted the gift of salvation through Christ Jesus. I also asked him that if he had not, that he would just say a simple prayer that I included at the bottom of the letter.

I will never know while alive on this earth if he did or didn't, I can only hope that whether it was church years ago, someone else or the prayer in my letter could have been that sealant of his eternal residence. Only God is the judge of our hearts.

Sometimes we are meant to go, sometimes we are not.

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Whatever happens or doesn't, above all trust God in everything.